Letters to Arden – May 31, 2010


Arden,

You are here! Not the way I expected, but safely, soundly here. Becoming a mother has been baptism by tears. I cried when they told me I wouldn’t be awake when you were born. I cried when I first saw your face cradled in daddy’s arms. I cried through countless feedings, knowing my pain would keep you growing. I cried rocking you to sleep, because you were too beautiful for words.
And now you are starting to smile! It’s a dopey smile of content mostly, right after a feeding, and in those warm moments when you are beginning to wake and haven’t realized how hungry you are yet. In your smile I see glimpses of your personality, little peeks of what is to come.
And so I smile for you every day. I try to smile even when I’m in pain, when I’m tired, when I’m overwhelmed by all that is new, all that is you. I want you to see love in my face. I want you to know how happy I am that you are here.

~ lg

Cry No More


Cry no more – spring is here
Autumn’s decay has been put to death
Neath the gentle cold of snow
And the miracle of winter is that
The wasteland of fallen dreams
Now rises strong and sweet in the veins of the trees
Your tears are water for their leaves
Leaves which burst out with a green laugh
The evidence of things unseen

~lg

Easter prayer

Roll away my heart of stone
Bring to life a heart of flesh
Emerging from the grave of pride
The place of my dark selfishness

Surrendered in humility
Spirit, raise me from the dead
Easter life, create in me
A heart reborn, a heart set free

~lg

holy time

Lent.

A time of emptying. A time to wrestle with weakness. A time to uproot, a time to kill.

A time to deny. A time to surrender.

A time to let go.

Good Friday.

A time to abandon all earthly hope, all fleshly striving, and pride’s last defenses.

A time to descend into a small dark space and await the quickening light of morning.

The only thing left is the miracle.

~lg

called living

And yet, within our ordinary lives, we hold an extraordinary treasure. We have become part of God’s life, God’s story, God’s work in the world. This weight of glory cannot be taken lightly. We each have a role to play, as individuals and as a community. We are part of a new kingdom, under the lordship of Christ, and we are to pray and work for God’s will to be done on earth as in heaven.

We have each been given gifts with which to fulfill our roles. The trick is knowing what they are and how God wants us to use them. There is no self-help book or personality test that can fully reveal your role in the kingdom. This understanding comes through prayer, contemplation, practice and community. This understanding comes through the supernatural wisdom of the Spirit, wisdom which works itself out day to day as we listen to His voice.

Sometimes we can get caught up in “calling anxiety.” (Guilty as charged.) We wonder what our purpose is, whether we’re fulfilling it, whether we’re doing enough. We compare ourselves to our role models, our peers, constantly measuring ourselves by an artificial standard. We define ourselves by all kinds of standards of “success,” often garnered uncritically from pop-culture, or even pop-Christian culture. We may be losing the discipline of spiritual discernment, especially in the context of a Christian community. And so we worry and wonder, burning spiritual and emotional energy, feeling lost and ineffective.

The answer is less an answer than a process. We must be willing to enter an ongoing conversation with ourselves and the Spirit. We must be willing to take an honest look at the gifts, abilities and inclinations God has given us – including our limitations. When we submit ourselves to the Spirit, we open ourselves up to His limitless creativity. He is the one that fits our roles to our circumstances, that opens doors to new possibilities, that inspires us with new ideas. And we do not work alone. God places us in particular communities where He fits us to accomplish more together, where He gives a common vision. We must learn to listen to His voice together. What is the Spirit saying to you? What is the Spirit saying to the church?

There is no need to worry. Listen, trust, obey. It’s going to look different for everybody.

The fun thing about this is that there are no set rules. Our passions are as varied as our personalities, and God loves to ignite them with his purposes. God is a limitless being, and the possibilities are endless.

So we set out to work in the Father’s kingdom, with the Spirit alongside, living out our Lord’s prayer. It is only in this Trinitarian dynamic that we live fully.

~lg