a thousand tongues

hammock

Oh Holy One, how can I best gather up your praise? How can I tell the wonders of your beauty, the myriad of ways you show a glimpse of your face? In the smooth, wooden blocks my daughter stacks so carefully, in the play of shadow and light on the living room floor, in the rustle of summer foliage outside the window, in the soft, spicy sweetness of a cookie baked with kindness. This very room is bursting with goodness. You are worthy of praise in all these things, for You are the Giver of all good things.

In the great and in the small, You are found by the seeking heart, the sensitive eye. You have filed up the earth, yet we walk around empty handed because our capacity is so limited. Give us larger vessels! Give us wider eyes! Give us open hands!

geranium

Your kindness is everywhere – let it soften us into repentance, repentance for all the ways we ignore and limit You, the ways we adore and imitate other gods instead of the only Good there is.

Oh, for a thousand tongues to sing my great Redeemer’s praise! Oh, for a thousand ears to hear the mighty chorus sung by all the living!

Oh, for one, undivided heart to seek and find and worship You!

~lg
S.D.G.

Intercessions

Father of the Lost,
Find your wandering ones, your weak and weary ones. Show them that the way to be found is to be hidden in you.When they feel like they’re about to lose it, may they let go of the very last thing, so that losing all is gaining all. May they let go so as to be held. May they know the strength and sufficiency of your intimacy. Let them be found in the mysterious miracle of you in them and they in you. Father of the Lost, you seek us first, and in this is our salvation.
Amen.

Single-handed Theology: Learning to Love

She carries her Baby around wherever she goes. Now that there is a real baby in the house, Arden is all the more interested in taking care of her own. She changes her diaper. She wraps her up in a blanket. She looks for owies and bugbites and kisses them better. She feeds her, and then burps her. When it’s naptime, she wants Baby tucked under the covers. When we pray before bed, she wants me to hold Baby’s hand too. It’s so sweet, this learning to love.
Sometimes she gets overwhelmed by all that baby needs. The velcro diaper tabs don’t always stick right. The blanket doesn’t wrap around just so. Baby falls out of bed. And she’s worried about that same owie on Baby’s head that never goes away. When it’s all too much, there are tears, and sometimes poor Baby gets tossed to the floor in frustration. It’s so hard, this learning to love.
She learns from me. All she knows about taking care of Baby is copied from what I do. (Except throwing Baby on the floor!) And when she needs help, she comes to me – for assistance, for reassurance, for that extra kiss to make things all better. Gently, I show her the way. There are times I just smile wide because the love seems to come so naturally to her. There are times I’m a tad concerned, like when swaddling turns into smothering, but I know she’ll soon get the hang of it.
I look at her looking at me, a mommy mirror. I pray I am a good example.
I look at her looking at me, and I see myself again in her. I am the one learning. I am new at this too.
I pray for clear eyes to see my Father’s heart and His way with me.
I pray for ears to hear my Father’s voice and heed His wisdom.
I pray for the grace to love well.
My little girl, we will learn to love together. 
~lg

Letters to Arden – May 16, 2012

Dear Arden,

Tomorrow is your second birthday! You will be two whole, wonderful years old, and your new baby brother Jack will be one month old. An amazing thing happened the day Jack was born. You came to visit us in the hospital, and suddenly you were no longer our little baby – you were our big little girl! When I hugged you, you were so much heavier than you were the day before. You have never grown so quickly as you did in that one day. It’s funny how things can change overnight, how time can push us forward, almost before we’re ready, into another world.

In this new world, your hands are chubbier, your expressions more grown up, your steps surer, and your will stronger. I see the signs of a little lady, flashes of who you will be in another year, another decade. The fire in your eyes is brighter as you take in these surroundings. You are wiser, even as there is more at which to wonder.

Something happened to me, too. They say that when another child comes along, a mother’s love multiplies. It does not divide to diminish the love for the first. And truly, my love for you has not diminished. Quite the opposite in fact! You see, my heart has become bigger. Loving Jack has made me love you even more. These changes have created a whole new space within me, a space where my love for you has expanded, even exploded. Though you are running with bigger steps each day, this love is always one step ahead.

This is one of those divine miracles of motherhood. This is the nature of love, because it is the nature of God. He is always bigger than we imagine Him to be. When the unknown comes upon us, He knows the way ahead. When we are tossed forward, it is never into a space where He is not. When we think we’ve reached the end of the rope, love uncoils a new beginning. The more we grow, the more of Him we see. The more we love, the more love there is.

 “Aslan, said Lucy, “you’re bigger.” 
“That is because you are older, little one,” answered he. 
“Not because you are?” 
“I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.” 
(CS Lewis, Prince Caspian)

As you turn two, little one, know that I love you more each day, each year. As you grow, I too am growing into God’s infinite love. There will always be room for you. There will always be more love.

love Mommy

Letters to Arden – March 29, 2012

Dear Arden,

You are no longer our little baby, but our growing bigger girl. Soon you will be a big sister! So many changes are on the way . . . you too are changing every day. You are growing into the life God has given you, growing into your fiery personality, your independence, your identity as a daughter, a sister, but most of all your very own identity as you, just you. And that is how I love you. I love just you.

I am still learning who you are! Still discovering all the little things that make you sweet and hilarious and mischievous and marvelous. You are free to be just you! And though you are not like me in many ways, I will love you even when I don’t understand you. I will embrace the way God has shaped you. I will encourage you to make your own path, even when I cannot follow.

And when your new brother or sister arrives (any day now!), you will not lose your place in our love, in our lives. You will continue to be our Arden, our firstborn, our daughter, the spark of joy that first set us alight as parents.

Just you. And that will always be enough.

love Mommy

~lg